I love you...

By: Tracy Trinita 

You hugged me
And loved me
You showered me
with candy and kisses

I was the apple of your eyes
I was love and loved by you
Seeing you bring glows on my face
Everybody knows how much I love you

When I fall
I run to you
Your hugs meant so much
You meant the world to me

How my heart cherished
Hearing your love story
The war and the love
Roses and blood

The faith and hope
to be reunited
Once the war is finished
Two become one again

I watch the street from my window
Waiting for you to come home
As soon I see you
I burst out screaming and run to you

I hug you and I don't want to let go
Wrapped by your arm I feel secured
Can you not go again I asked
You answer with a smile and kiss my forehead

My fairytale life with you was wonderful
I played in the field and swam in the river
I ate so much fruits from the garden
My life was like a dream, I didn't want to wake up

Till one day, nightmare came
You bring me to Bali
And leave me there
I cried and miss you so..

Being far from you is the hardest
I hate the moment when we are apart
My face wet everynight under the pillow
How much I miss you so

I hate night
The darkest hour
When you left at the sunset
My world crushed to the ground

Wounded heart
Scarred heart
Injured heart
Broken heart

Did you know ever since that night
I can't sleep with the lights off
Scared of night
And watching the door maybe you will comeback

Come back to take me back
to my wonderful life
When you are around
Night feels like day

How I miss you so
I daydream about you
I wonder why you'd do this to me
I thought you love me

My mind remembers
When I was seating in the sofa
You took her hand and you are dancing
As she blushing ... You turn her around

The classic music
From a black plate
A love long spent
I witnessed you both

How much I love to see both of you
That wrinkle in her nose you love
Little body of her you hug
The person you spend most of your time with

As I grow older
I thought I'd be able to let you go
I move on and enjoy Bali
My life is school and the beach

Mom told me you were sick
I'm so worried I want to run and visit you
Can't wait for long holiday
Can't wait to see you

The day came, I'm in the car
Arriving at your house
I run to your room
I'm shocked

Grandpa....
Why are you so skinny
Where is the man so tall and strong
You seems so weak, my eyes blur

You told me to stop crying
Stop adding more pain beside this pain
But grandpa.. I'm hurt too
And it is painful

Being with you everyday
Try to look fine but I'm crushed
I hope God can heal
What doctors have given up

I remember
When I was a little girl
Travelling with you
Flying hercules

I want to be like you
You, man of generous heart
Our home always full of visitor
People love you but not more than I do

But now..
In that bed you are lying
Holding the pain and suffering
I wish I can take that pain from you

Few months pass by
I got a phone call
Saying you are gone
And I'm broken into pieces

On the plane I cried
I hoped it was not to late to see you
for the very last time
Before you are buried

Grandpa...
After your funeral
I'm still mourning
My brievement was 7 years
Painfully facing the world without you

New York, Paris, Milan and Sydney
witnessed my cries
Also Bali, Jakarta, Rio de Janeiro
and many more ...


How could they say I'm a lucky girl
When the glamour world is only the outside
But a lonely soul inside
A crushed heart in the big world

Grandpa..
I wish you can see me in that magazine
On that tv and dvd
And in the newspaper you loved to read
No one will be more proud than you


I wonder night and day
On where you are now
How are you doing
Where are you going

I think only God can answer that
But Grandpa.. I don't really know him
How would I ask him ?
Will he answer me?


I asked people around me
And to my alter shocked I heard
Many answers given
I'm more confused


Some said there is reincarnation,
You will be somebody else
Some said there is punishment first,
You have to go to hell then heaven


Some also said 'you are gone,
blend with mother earth'
But there is one answer I like
And bright light come to my darkness


Long time ago, grandpa....
There was Abraham,
yes the father of all nation.
Finally God gave him Isaac


As he walked in the mountains
Isaac asked " where are we going, daddy?"
'To give sacrifice' he replied
A painful father walking with his beloved


Two of them walk to the top of the mountain
A faithful Abraham, preparing Isaac
A heart crushed but trusting God
Everything is ready and God says 'STOP'


God knows Abraham's faithfulness
Choosing God before everything else
On the other side of the mountain,
Forty two generations later
God gave His only son, to die for us


Grandpa...
Jesus Christ died because he cut our sins
He want us to have life to the fullest
And to welcome us to God's kingdom
I hope you are with him by now...


My life has changed since I met Christ
My bitter life became better
My darkest hour became a bright morning hour
My very worst God changed to my very best

Grandpa...
I wish we both knew Him long time ago
History will be different
You can be heal in time 
and be there at my wedding day

But it is okay grandpa... Don't be sad
I'm okay now since Jesus is near
He dried my tears and loved me
I'm no longer a lonely little girl

Grandpa...
I want people to know Jesus Christ
Because only He can answer human struggle
And the living water he offers
Sweeter than any honey the world can offer

Last night I plead to God
To have your sins, so you can be in heaven
But if I have your sins on my shoulder
Is no longer there, grandpa..
Because Jesus Christ took all my sins away

So grandpa...
I will be seeing you in heaven
And I will hug you really hard
But I will let you go
Since I know we will be forever reunited in a place we both call home

Till then Grandpa...
Your granddaughter loves you so much
Prayers for you and I know you will enjoy spending time with God
See you in God's time, grandpa...

yours,
Little Echi


Oxford, 10 December 2008

Grandpa died in 1995 and it took me years to be able to talk about it. 
thank you for reading this.

Nasib sebongkah batu

Aku hanyalah sebongkah batu yang tidak berharga
Diinjak injak orang dijalan dan penuh debu nestapa yang hina
Sampai suatu waktu ada tangan perkasa mengapaiku
lantas Ia menyimpanku dikantung baju dekat dengan jantungnya

Ia memandangku sambil tersenyum hangat seraya berkata
“Aku akan membuatmu bersinar dan cemerlang’
Keraguan menyergapku tetapi kehangatan senyumnya meredam gelisahku
Pasrah ditangannya aku memberikan seluruh batuku dan debu yang menempel

Berhari hari lamanya aku berada dikantongnya
Mulai aku tidak yakin akan apa yang dijanjikannya
Waktu berlalu akupun mulai bosan, rindu akan pingiran jalan
Walau diinjak orang dan berdebu tapi tidak kesepian 

Suatu waktu tangan perkasa itu mengapaiku
Membungkusku dengan kain, mengusapku seraya mengulang kata
"Kamu akan bersinar … kamu akan bersinar…"
Dalam batuku aku berkata "mana mungkin” sambil berharap tersirat kebenaran

Tangan perkasa membawaku ke sinar lampu terang 
Ada dua pisau dikiri kanan ku
“ia ingin menghancurkanku” teriakku
Namun apa daya aku hanya sebuah batu 

Sakit disetiap sisi batuku 
Tertindih dan diasah oleh pisau pisau itu
Jeritan pisau merongrong sanubari batuku
Apalah aku ini hanya sebuah batu yang tersiksa

Terbangun aku dari rasa sakit yang berhenti seketika
Kudengar decapan kekaguman dan akupun mencari tahu 
Terkaget saat melihat cermin dikiri dekat gelas minuman
Siapa batu yang mengkilap bersinar dan cermerlang itu?

Ia membawaku dan menaruhku kedalam kotak hitam
Aku merasakan perubahan dari setiap orang yang mengagumiku
Aku tersipu malu dan tersanjung tinggi
Nama baruku batu permata berlian


Note from the writer: there is no moral of the story, just thinking of a diamond and I'm inspired to write this.

but that was in 2009, now to think of it,  perhaps it could be us... in the hands of God.