By: Tracy Trinita
You hugged me
And loved me
You showered me
with candy and kisses
I was the apple of your eyes
I was love and loved by you
Seeing you bring glows on my face
Everybody knows how much I love you
When I fall
I run to you
Your hugs meant so much
You meant the world to me
How my heart cherished
Hearing your love story
The war and the love
Roses and blood
The faith and hope
to be reunited
Once the war is finished
Two become one again
I watch the street from my window
Waiting for you to come home
As soon I see you
I burst out screaming and run to you
I hug you and I don't want to let go
Wrapped by your arm I feel secured
Can you not go again I asked
You answer with a smile and kiss my forehead
My fairytale life with you was wonderful
I played in the field and swam in the river
I ate so much fruits from the garden
My life was like a dream, I didn't want to wake up
Till one day, nightmare came
You bring me to Bali
And leave me there
I cried and miss you so..
Being far from you is the hardest
I hate the moment when we are apart
My face wet everynight under the pillow
How much I miss you so
I hate night
The darkest hour
When you left at the sunset
My world crushed to the ground
Wounded heart
Scarred heart
Injured heart
Broken heart
Did you know ever since that night
I can't sleep with the lights off
Scared of night
And watching the door maybe you will comeback
Come back to take me back
to my wonderful life
When you are around
Night feels like day
How I miss you so
I daydream about you
I wonder why you'd do this to me
I thought you love me
My mind remembers
When I was seating in the sofa
You took her hand and you are dancing
As she blushing ... You turn her around
The classic music
From a black plate
A love long spent
I witnessed you both
How much I love to see both of you
That wrinkle in her nose you love
Little body of her you hug
The person you spend most of your time with
As I grow older
I thought I'd be able to let you go
I move on and enjoy Bali
My life is school and the beach
Mom told me you were sick
I'm so worried I want to run and visit you
Can't wait for long holiday
Can't wait to see you
The day came, I'm in the car
Arriving at your house
I run to your room
I'm shocked
Grandpa....
Why are you so skinny
Where is the man so tall and strong
You seems so weak, my eyes blur
You told me to stop crying
Stop adding more pain beside this pain
But grandpa.. I'm hurt too
And it is painful
Being with you everyday
Try to look fine but I'm crushed
I hope God can heal
What doctors have given up
I remember
When I was a little girl
Travelling with you
Flying hercules
I want to be like you
You, man of generous heart
Our home always full of visitor
People love you but not more than I do
But now..
In that bed you are lying
Holding the pain and suffering
I wish I can take that pain from you
Few months pass by
I got a phone call
Saying you are gone
And I'm broken into pieces
On the plane I cried
I hoped it was not to late to see you
for the very last time
Before you are buried
Grandpa...
After your funeral
I'm still mourning
My brievement was 7 years
Painfully facing the world without you
New York, Paris, Milan and Sydney
witnessed my cries
Also Bali, Jakarta, Rio de Janeiro
and many more ...
How could they say I'm a lucky girl
When the glamour world is only the outside
But a lonely soul inside
A crushed heart in the big world
Grandpa..
I wish you can see me in that magazine
On that tv and dvd
And in the newspaper you loved to read
No one will be more proud than you
I wonder night and day
On where you are now
How are you doing
Where are you going
I think only God can answer that
But Grandpa.. I don't really know him
How would I ask him ?
Will he answer me?
I asked people around me
And to my alter shocked I heard
Many answers given
I'm more confused
Some said there is reincarnation,
You will be somebody else
Some said there is punishment first,
You have to go to hell then heaven
Some also said 'you are gone,
blend with mother earth'
But there is one answer I like
And bright light come to my darkness
Long time ago, grandpa....
There was Abraham,
yes the father of all nation.
Finally God gave him Isaac
As he walked in the mountains
Isaac asked " where are we going, daddy?"
'To give sacrifice' he replied
A painful father walking with his beloved
Two of them walk to the top of the mountain
A faithful Abraham, preparing Isaac
A heart crushed but trusting God
Everything is ready and God says 'STOP'
God knows Abraham's faithfulness
Choosing God before everything else
On the other side of the mountain,
Forty two generations later
God gave His only son, to die for us
Grandpa...
Jesus Christ died because he cut our sins
He want us to have life to the fullest
And to welcome us to God's kingdom
I hope you are with him by now...
My life has changed since I met Christ
My bitter life became better
My darkest hour became a bright morning hour
My very worst God changed to my very best
Grandpa...
I wish we both knew Him long time ago
History will be different
You can be heal in time
and be there at my wedding day
But it is okay grandpa... Don't be sad
I'm okay now since Jesus is near
He dried my tears and loved me
I'm no longer a lonely little girl
Grandpa...
I want people to know Jesus Christ
Because only He can answer human struggle
And the living water he offers
Sweeter than any honey the world can offer
Last night I plead to God
To have your sins, so you can be in heaven
But if I have your sins on my shoulder
Is no longer there, grandpa..
Because Jesus Christ took all my sins away
So grandpa...
I will be seeing you in heaven
And I will hug you really hard
But I will let you go
Since I know we will be forever reunited in a place we both call home
Till then Grandpa...
Your granddaughter loves you so much
Prayers for you and I know you will enjoy spending time with God
See you in God's time, grandpa...
yours,
Little Echi
Oxford, 10 December 2008
Grandpa died in 1995 and it took me years to be able to talk about it.
thank you for reading this.
4 comments:
Janganlah bersedih.
Sedih sebenarnya rasa yang mengajak kita untuk merenung dengan dalam, tapi sedikit membawa sebuah luka.. Luka itu adapun karena adanya sebuah rindu yang terlalu lama menggema .
Janganlah kau terluka akan sebuah luka. Luka bukan untuk di rasakan lukanya, tapi untuk dirasakan apa yang di sampaikannya. Karena sebenarnya luka itu datang hanya untuk menyampaikan sesuatu yang terlupakan.
Beautiful letter Tracy!! Yup Grandpa is in the heaven with Father God.. Jesus bless you abundantly :) xx
-Cika Gerungan-
i was in tears reading this.. God loves you.
I'm glad u wrote this. Thanks.
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